After so many years do we still need to date?
The answer is YES - but what does that even mean?
Women are designed to receive love, men are supposed to make it happen.
But the biggest problem I come across with couples is that their idea of DATE is skewed, and so it rarely does happen. In their minds it means expensive, classy, fine wines and silky dresses; and honestly, between dirty diapers and soccer practice they don't have time or money or energy to make it happen.
I recently watched "The Dating Project." A documentary on today's hookup culture. Dr Kerry Cronin, PhD challenges college students to go an a "Traditional Date."
After watching it, in conversation with some of my couples, I came up with a few key points for married couples to remember in order to make dating a renewed priority.
Key Factors in Marital Dating (Guys, brace yourselves)
1) It's HIS job to make it happen. She should NOT be calling to reserve the seats in the restaurant. Obviously as a husband, you should know your wife so well that you can make decisions that you know she will love. But the lead is yours, that's your job. The worst thing you can do is to ask her: "Honey, where do you want to go out tonight?"
Guys? MAN UP!
2) It should be a surprise. That doesn't mean necessarily something new, but rather, she should never know when she's going to get invited to something special.
Sometimes couples will tell me that they do go out regularly - every Friday night at 7pm! - and they are surprised when I tell them that that's actually not a very good idea. Why? Because it takes the surprise factor out of the equation. Then unfortunately she often ends up burdened with the planning and the reminding.
Switch it up. Sometimes go out; sometimes stay in. Monday night; Wednesday for breakfast. Sometimes a new adventure; sometimes the same old. Keep her guessing.
3) It has to be his IDEA: His initiative, his desire; not her invite, she shouldn't remind him or bug him about it. It should be clear that she wants it, but he should initiate the move and make it happen.
It's your job as a husband to pursue your wife and to conquer her heart. It's a never ending adventure.
I once counseled a couple that revealed that they NEVER go out together. The wife shared: "I just want you to take me out for ice-cream once in a while." It had nothing to do with eating ice-cream; and everything to do with proving to her that he still wanted to be with her, exclusively, away from children, away from home; that he loves her company.
In turn, it's her job to fill the date with laughter and love and gratitude, responding to his love.
My parents didn't do much dating, but I remember one event that stands out in my mind. He approached her one evening and invited her to walk out in our huge farm backyard to "check on the bees". That was their date! And it worked. You should have seen her face light up in response.
Go for a walk in the park. Pick tomatoes. Watch a movie. Buy ice-cream. - Seriously, there are a billion simple ways to continue to prove to her that, if you weren't already married, you would be doing everything to prove your love and win her heart.
*****
The Dating Project Website (link)
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